My Personal Call to Transform
When I look back to my awakening, I see that it happened with a perfection that could only be termed divine. I heard my personal call to transform my life only after I had experienced external crises: failing relationships, conflict with loved ones, problems at work, financial instability. Now I can see that the outer challenges arose from the chaos of my internal life.
My call to “wake up” sparked my desire to transform the way I had been living. An insistent inner voice called out, “I don’t want to live this way anymore!“ I asked and then my deep heartfelt request was answered in the form of my perfect mentor, don Miguel Ruiz. But before meeting him, I was preparing, unknowingly, synthesizing practices and wisdom from many traditions, readying myself to once and for all commit to a path, a teacher who could open me to my own insight and truth.
By the time I met don Miguel I had experienced many different and varied paths, each one offering me a vital reflection, a piece of the whole that I would one day bring all together into my own wisdom teachings and practices. I had been on a search for what I describe as my true voice, my true self for many years, since the early 70’s. I meditated with the Hindus and found that quieting the mind really does work to create more inner peace. Dived deep into Kriya yoga and watched delighted as my heart began to open. I followed my Native American roots and sought out a Shaman Elder who adopted me as his Granddaughter and showed me the deep mysteries within the sweat lodge, pipe and vision quest ceremonies.
I found my way to a Native American Church ceremonies’ in the New Mexico desert, Amazonian Shamans and their plant medicine and the healing power of a Mexican Curandera. I studied art therapy, Alchemical hypno-therapy and Voice Dialogue with Hal and Sidra Stone. Each one of these traditions or modalities gave me something, inspired me in some way. After many years of giving myself the means to experience self discovery, I knew it was time to create a container that I could put all my various discoveries into, blend together, and integrate.
Somewhere along the way of all this exploration I discovered that I had a deep yearning to be in service, to assist others in awakening to their unique gift that life has given to each and more importantly to find the inner integrity that this gift represents. But in the meantime, I was still creating drama and suffering in my personal life.
So I drew a line in the sand; I would no longer put myself through the drama and emotional pain I was used to creating. The call summoned a deep yearning in my heart that transcended self-judgment or disappointment in external circumstances. My whole being desired to have happiness, to live love and to express authentically and to have that feeling permeate my entire life. At the same time I wanted to somehow bring all the “spiritual” puzzle pieces into some kind of form and unity in a real and practical way that supported my being in life everyday. It eventually evolved into wanting to guide others to experience this feeling for themselves.
Was it possible to live this way? I was determined to find out.
With my heart activated, and my mind opened to the possibilities, I was drawn into a process that began within. With the love and guidance of my mentor soon I was able to observe the impact of having more awareness on what appeared around me, especially in the reflection of those I shared my life with. I started to take more responsibility for what I was creating with my thoughts and emotions and subsequently how I directed my energy into the world. I spent a lot of time alone, in nature, in powerful and sacred land in the Southwest and throughout the world. I sought a more clear reflection of myself in these deeply inspiring places that Mother Earth shares with us
As I gradually cleaned up my inner world, I began to see the results in my outer world; relationships and financial abundance improved. At times, I resorted to clutching to my old, comfortable ways of being as I navigated unknown territory, yet I continued to open to the possibility of a new way of being. To this day, my heart’s desire still motivates me to continue onward on my ever-evolving path of transformation. I witness the indescribable power of the essence of Life within everyone I have the honor to share time with and to this energetic presence, that transcends all external identifiers, I continue to devote my time, love and energy to.